Find what you love and let it kill you

the image taken from here

Sitting on my floor this morning looking at the rays of light coming through my window, and seeing settling them down softly and warm in my bare feet i let myself wandering in places and thoughts untouchables like these golden ray of lights on my feet..

Making questions that i couldn't answer.. 

about how can one do what he really wants to but somehow even that, is not enough and at the same  time how can the same love become a turmoil of one's life ?

Later in the day i came across with this quote of Bukowski, and then i understood it all.

To find what one's truly wants in his life, is the first step but the ability to adapt and to adjust into the vastness of this love you choose to become your vehicle in life is total other thing. A whole life process and this  is where the true Sadhana, the spiritual practice it self, lies.

 Meaning that you have to let this love kill you.

because

 The truth of your love needs to be understood.

The pain is helping to purify ourselves and there are so many types of pain, even THE pain of pain. If one remains with that, will remain in pain of course but to escape is painful and learning and understanding is also painful but all pain has results.

Everything that may comes in the form of 

Sadness

Insult

Ignorance

Anger

Fear

is a gift, is a way to practice and become strong by knowing your own weakness. And to accept and to embrace that state fully , is only then that the fruits of your practice can be seen. Let yourself to deconstruct  carefully in pieces and in that process study and understand these pieces , and when all put it back together you understand the difference between you and the situations that may occur in your life. Why after all we are in this life , in this form? If not to practice? Just being responsible toward the practice and do whatever it takes..because life is too short ..and excuse me that i may sound a bit arrogant but why not in this life take my piece of enlightenment?  I want it and i will try to take a bit in this life...Is out there anyone who wants to join me??? 

 Next post from the foothills of Himalayan 

Enjoy life and embrace pain like a mother does when she is giving birth to her child.

Dedicate the video with the blooming rose to everyone that i didn't find the way to say goodbye.

I love you all...

Trapped in the waiting list & the 5 Kleshas.

The Pancha Kleshas  all revealed in one morning.

OK there is not such a thing as the suffering of one's being in a waiting list. Have you ever really wonder about the nature of a waiting list?

Normally when we are on a waiting list, is for something that we desire to have or to be , but for various reasons is not available at the time. Next stage comes an acceptance of this fact and right after comes the feeling of suffering. How does this happening ? 

So you need to be patient, but the fact that your minds says to you to be patient it turns the coin from the other side and give rise to your impatient and anxiety..and you suffer because the present moment it disappears.

No Santosha [ Contentment ] as the life comes. 

The last 5 months i'm exactly in that position, as i am waiting for a new chapter in my life to begin, but how ignorant am i that i let myself trapped in this waiting list...

Fortunately,

it comes one morning that the inner light is a little bit stronger and helps you to have a glimpse of what is really taking place. Right here, right now.

And like this i saw clear the 5 causes of my suffering 

Avidya [ ignorance ] 

All these days of waiting i  forget my inner quest " who am i ? " - By applying this quest every moment, reminds me that im trying to investigate the Self, and the Self can only be beyond of  what i'm  identified with.  

Asmita [ egoism ]

Because of my ignorance i pushed away all of my beloved ones, as i though that my kind of suffering is the greatest and no one can understand. And how selfish is that? - To drop the expectations of my ' Uncertain I ' maybe will let me unhooked of my Ego.

Raga [ attachment ]

Because of this selfishness, i attached more to what was making me feel stronger. Meaning my practices, but in that way that i cling too much on them and lost the feeling of spaciousness within the limits, the limits become my barriers and eventually my cause of last weeks injury. - To Let go of my self-center response to reality, right here, right now.

Dvesa [ aversion ]

Because of my attachment, i get disappointed of myself because did not coming to the way i wanted  and  eventually trapped in a meaningless fighting with myself. -  To cultivate new patterns in my mind and body and get rid of the old ones, maybe is a way out there. 

Abhinivesah [ the fear of death ]

Because of all the 4 previous facts, i cannot set me free. I fear more of coming to the state of Yoga. And that is a small death i let happen to me day by day.

-  To embrace the realm of uncertainty and allow myself to be all right of what i don't know how is gonna be..is the freedom (?) 

AVIDYASMITA RAGA DVESABHINIVESAH KLESAH 

[ Ignorance, egoism, attachement, aversion, and fear of death are the five obstacles in life ]

 2.3
Patanjali's yoga sutras

    

Dedicate this post to Cibin, from Kerala