Friday, February 8, 2013

Trapped in the waiting list & the 5 Kleshas.

The Pancha Kleshas  all revealed in one morning.

OK there is not such a thing as the suffering of one's being in a waiting list. Have you ever really wonder about the nature of a waiting list?
Normally when we are on a waiting list, is for something that we desire to have or to be , but for various reasons is not available at the time. Next stage comes an acceptance of this fact and right after comes the feeling of suffering. How does this happening ? 
So you need to be patient, but the fact that your minds says to you to be patient it turns the coin from the other side and give rise to your impatient and anxiety..and you suffer because the present moment it disappears.
No Santosha [ Contentment ] as the life comes. 
The last 5 months i'm exactly in that position, as i am waiting for a new chapter in my life to begin, but how ignorant am i that i let myself trapped in this waiting list...
it comes one morning that the inner light is a little bit stronger and helps you to have a glimpse of what is really taking place. Right here, right now.

And like this i saw clear the 5 causes of my suffering 

Avidya [ ignorance ] 

All these days of waiting i  forget my inner quest " who am i ? " - By applying this quest every moment, reminds me that im trying to investigate the Self, and the Self can only be beyond of  what i'm  identified with.  

Asmita [ egoism ]

Because of my ignorance i pushed away all of my beloved ones, as i though that my kind of suffering is the greatest and no one can understand. And how selfish is that? - To drop the expectations of my ' Uncertain I ' maybe will let me unhooked of my Ego.

Raga [ attachment ]

Because of this selfishness, i attached more to what was making me feel stronger. Meaning my practices, but in that way that i cling too much on them and lost the feeling of spaciousness within the limits, the limits become my barriers and eventually my cause of last weeks injury. - To Let go of my self-center response to reality, right here, right now.

Dvesa [ aversion ]

Because of my attachment, i get disappointed of myself because did not coming to the way i wanted  and  eventually trapped in a meaningless fighting with myself. -  To cultivate new patterns in my mind and body and get rid of the old ones, maybe is a way out there. 

Abhinivesah [ the fear of death ]

Because of all the 4 previous facts, i cannot set me free. I fear more of coming to the state of Yoga. And that is a small death i let happen to me day by day.
-  To embrace the realm of uncertainty and allow myself to be all right of what i don't know how is gonna the freedom (?) 

[ Ignorance, egoism, attachement, aversion, and fear of death are the five obstacles in life ]
Patanjali's yoga sutras

Dedicate this post to Cibin, from Kerala



  1. Wonderful words Sissy!
    Thank you for being who you are...These are some great Sanskrit commenteries on Patanjala Yoga Sutras, will be very interesting for you.
    Yoga Bhashya by Vyasa, Tattva-Vaisharadi by Vachaspati Mishra, Yoga-Varttika by Vijnana Bhikshu, Raja-Martanda or Bhoja Vritti by Bhoja Raja,
    Bhasvati by Hariharananda Aranya and Patanjala-Rahasya by Raghavananda Saraswati.

    1. Cibin thank you for your feed back!
      What can i say ? A taught day, and needed great courage to share this...but I thank you.
      My current study is Patanjali's Yoga Sutras and so is very useful what you post,adding new search on it :-)